i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
