i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
