Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
