he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
