a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
