I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
