I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
