somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
