We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
