are you still at the devil's house?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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