Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
