no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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