wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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