Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
