He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
