How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
