He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
