woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
