I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
