WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
