i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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