guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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