so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
