ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
