Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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