So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
