did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
