Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She said her name was "party"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
