Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
