her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
