he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
