I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
