Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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