I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
