What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
