Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
