I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
