I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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