Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
