sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
