maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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