I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
