Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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