Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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