Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
