you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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