And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
