i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
