plz talk dirty to me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
