i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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