if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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